Barzo & Havana e la visione contemporanea di AVATAR: una critica a 4 mani
B
Aspetto Avatar. Si, perchè now my cardinal rule against the film is "If a movie comes out and you feel part of your personal history, you see him oblivious to the masses." The mass
me avoid meeting with Nirvana until '98, and the one with the Beatles until 2000 and beyond (bad). The mass I avoided seeing Titanic and Ghost to date (well). Now I decide I
. I feel that Avatar, to get out of here so blue that populate the film, is part of my personal life. I find the answers you need.
I think there is a criticism that can be defined objectively, I have come to this conclusion: every movie should be seen if unconsciously, which is thought to act in some way cathartic about their lives.
Per tale oscura ragione in qualche modo convinco havana, dopo il campari, a giocarsi questa chance: dovrò convincerlo che AVATAR potrà comunicargli qualcosa, come ritengo possa fare a me. Non la massa, ma AVATAR ci ha scelto per comunicarci qualcosa sull'attuale stato dell'arte del cinema di massa.
H
La prima cosa che gli dico, posando il bicchiere sul tavolo è: "Mi farà cagare e sono pronto a dirne malissimo anche qualora dovesse piacermi". Ammetto che non è la maniera migliore per pormi, di fronte a un film che devo ancora vedere, soprattutto se questo film è Avatar e Avatar è semplicemente The film, in this moment of our lives of men, but I do not feel very well, it's cold, I'm working too much and, in general, I tend to always feel like someone is talking about the ear-3D. What should I do with the third dimension? Because everyone has lost his head to the third dimension? The nice thing about film is that it flattens out, resize, easier or more difficult, but certainly change, cinema, editing, takes the reality and gives it two or three hammer here and there and this reality becomes something else, more reality for charity, which otherwise would cinema?, but a reality, blessed god, other than that already surrounds us every day della nostra vita.
Guardo Barzo prendere posto al cinema: mi sembra tranquillo mentre pulisce con un panno umidificato quegli stupidi occhialini. Io sto ancora riflettendo su una questione molto bidimensionale che non mi lascia sereno: davvero ho consegnato un biglietto da 10 euro alla cassiera e quella non mi ha dato indietro neanche una moneta di resto?
B
Lo sguardo esterrefatto di havana davanti alla carenza di moneta, meglio nota come resto, si riallaccia al mio... davvero non ho 2.5 euro, come minimo, da addizionare ai pochi spicci in tasca per concedermi al secondo piacere del cinema dopo i trailer iniziali, ovvero il pop corn? The popcorn, a great human invention, the most successful special effect that the two-dimensionality of the maize staple explodes into a miracle?
Well, perhaps this is the damn 3d?
From an early age I was intrigued by this uber-stereoscopic vision. But think about it, why not give depth where needed? Why rape the prospect?
awkward wearing glasses, and that's something troubles me. Where am I? Why do I see everything dark? Why do not you feel the contact with the screen?
My eye feels a lack of light, this reeks of delusion, he feels very little meat to the fire and smoke in 3 dimensions. You're not havana
reason to rage against this technology? Ma non importa, la storia sarà avvincente, innovativa, maestra di vita.
Cosa aspettarsi dal creatore di Alien e Terminator?? Certo, lo stesso regista ha violentato Batman, non glielo perdonerò mai!
Ma via, l'astronave decolla, e già immagino Kubrik rivoltarsi nella tomba. Quella vivida luminosa creatura che vaga nello spazio non mi fa provare neanche un milionesimo dei brividi generati dalla cullante atmosfera della scena del passaggio dall'osso al walzer di strauss.
E la mia fiducia inizia a diminuire. Ma la storia sarà...
H
Il tizio della Base takes a hit of golf, hitting a cup spills on the floor with the ball. It 'exactly the time when I understand that 3D is bullshit hopeless. The cup is framed so that the ball seems to come directly into the mouth. Does anyone around me laughs and I also, honestly, the effect is curious, I can think of Ben, I think of those crazy playground, where everything was wonderful. But then I remember another series of things: the fact that I paid 10 euro, for example. The fact that I no longer 8 years, too. The issue of the fact that Cameron, the director of this film, it took a decade to write what so far is a series of crap dressed up. Ok, I say, slow down, quiet, stop. Are you enjoying the first film ever truly 3-D: is an experiment, it is clear? Watch Barzo, look how peaceful he is: smile, with those glasses on his nose, scratching his knee. You like him, enjoy the show, a scraped knee now the money's gone, cocks if Cameron took 10 years to pull on a kind of astro-cake with Viagra. Breathe, ohm, breathe, concentrate, look at the show, watch it does not seem to be REALLY into this room, along with all other actors. It 's the first truly 3-D films in cinema history, I repeat, like a mantra, as I feel, I feel clearly that I dig the glasses are annoying two commas in the pink flesh of his nose.
After an hour of 3D-vision suspicion that something is missing. What has become of Earth? What has happened to humans? There was a nuclear catastrophe? Flooding? Locusts? Gasparri Prime Minister? And what was ironic? Christ, I'm sitting here in the heat for 75 minutes and there is even a smile ran away to pay it. A joke, a scene irreverent, self-deprecating: nothing. Mel Brooks do not claim, however, there is a limit to everything. Okay, okay: the Giant Smurf touching the 3D-3D-flowers and flowers that close one after another: that there is a scene at least a little 'ironic no? The Giant Smurf closes all the flowers until, at some point, check this great rhinoceros-dinosaur, where the Giant Smurf is bold, not beat it, and indeed the challenge, challenge the rhino-dinosaur, to general amazement that , instead of making 3D-balls of the Giant Smurf, takes, and beat it, so that if the Giant Smurf feel legitimately hot casserole dish, he did run a 3D-thing abnormal with the power of the eye, I see you, and in fact the beginning screaming, the fleeing rinocerontone, says, ah, did you see? I told you it was better if I was going, asshole, I am a hard mica mess with me, pfui and stuff like that, only then the view is 3D-3D expands our understand- the true 3D-why, indeed, the first of chestnut-3D was given legs raised: not the determination of the Giant Smurf but another, much larger, 3D-monster behind him, so what can 3D-3D-terrorize the chestnut. Come on, I say to myself alone, behind the special lenses, this is a beautiful scene ironic: ok, old and abused as the creaking stairs of a house in a horror movie, but at least it is something. Maybe 10 years to write like a whore is a bit 'too much, but this possibility diamogliela Cameron. In the background is a great author and then had the courage, not just of integration of environmental and anti-militarist in a film that could potentially become the most seen in history. It 's a reason this, or is not a reason to trust him?
Yes, damn it! Yes I like
Barzo: I relax. Do not laugh, patience: the scenes are happening all the same, patience, we're here for. The main character is perhaps the most main dish you've ever seen in a work of imagination, patience: we-are-not-here-to-3D and then there's this. In fact, I relax-3D: I am succeeding. Sigourney Weaver co-star is a totally useless: I realize later, when her character die and no one fregherà a dick, and hence patient, because we are-not-here-to-this, we are not here for dialogues, we are not here for the script, we are not here for the story, we are not here for the characters, we are not here for the contents.
"Barzo" I asked him softly, "Then why the fuck are we here, porcod ...?".
B
still scratching the sore knee every 15 minutes. The knee is sore, but the ambiguity of the concept is valid, because it starts to irritate me too. I scratch to stay awake. How many have passed? An hour? an hour and a half? I was already asleep 4 times.
barely remember a Sigourney Weaver, out of place as the screams of a neighbor during the afternoon nap. Not that this subspecies of the Amazon has never awakened in me erotic instincts (if we exclude Ghostbuster and the scenes of possession, but I was young and naive), and now even hate her ... I did not think to go that far.
The top 5 things I hated and the other from a nap:
- greasy glasses that I have trimmed for 10 € (and thought of doverglieli RETURN at the end of film ...)
- the tank top Sigourney Weaver and his pathetic tone by environmental friendly radicalchic viagroni
- that thing plastic head of the Marines, a synthetic version of caporedazione di Peter Parker ma simpatico quanto un gol di rocchi al 92mo
- la banalità di qualsiasi discorso pronunciato dal protagonista
- la prevedibilità di qualsiasi scena
esempi:
ce sta er viagrone che finisce nella giungla notturna de pandora a fa er coatto col fiaccolone.
"tanto fra due minuti arriva la viagrona e lo salva, poi se nnamoreranno poi però lei scopre che lui è imbucato degli umani e quindi lei gli rinfaccia di avergliela data e lo caccia dalla tribù poi però tanto alla fine vincono i bluoni, secondo me ce scappa pure il morto, sicuramente sarà (lo spero vivamente) sigourney inutile weaver, lui se incarna nell'avatar per sempre e they all lived happily ever after.
Ok ... What am I doing here? Where were all the answers to my questions? ... the hope of a new insight of the real, the definition of worlds, like the presence of a new experience in the Matrix?
There. And I feel cheated. I feel havana and blaspheme asking why of our existence in the here-and-so and so hours of film.
We are here to witness the results of modern man. The tears of nearby places during the scene .. Oh God why crying? I do not remember ...? what was there to get excited? was the first time at the movies? had not seen Beauty and the beast? There were talks, there was film formation, There was an evolution of spirit and hope for a better world. There was pain and passion. There was purity and purification. Lumiere And then laugh.
Here there was only hope to return soon to try to make my pupils CINEMA no filters, no other sizes, with no depth.
"Hava ', Cianna fucked here. Here we tried to enjoy the eye, has denied the sacred proverb" the eye wants its part ...". You have given everything to the eye, not have left nothing to the mind, heart, even a tiny erection ...
H
"We need to get out of here."
"Indeed?".
"Yes, We gotta get out, we need to send a message to humanity."
Barzo looks at me from under the glasses. We look like two stoned with a serious problem of myopia: "We paid € 10 and you want to go?".
right. In the end I was or was not doing an exercise in sublimation? I was well under way. I say this Barzo:
"Maybe we can do it ...".
The problem is that now there's the great struggle between progress and nature-poop-chocolate: maybe I'm seeing most pointless film of the time I've ever come across. It 'so clear where all going to end and how we will che comincio a pensare che no, non è possibile: ci sarà un colpo di scena irreversibile che ci farà appannare gli occhialini. Il progresso-cacca sta sparando dei razzi abnormi contro un monumentale albero pieno di tradizione e ricordi-vivi e gli indigeni sono talmente ovvi nella loro rappresentazione manichea di bene ("noi siamo degni perché difendiamo la Terra e voi no perché lucrate, pappappero") che mi metto a tifare immediatamente per i tizi in divisa.
"In fondo è un bel messaggio", dico a Barzo, cercando di trovare un senso, l'unico che il film può assicurare. Barzo mi guarda, o almeno credo perché ora come ora assomiglia alla Mosca di Kafka. "C'era bisogno di Avatar e di Cameron per questo?", me. I'll be back to look at the screen: the head of the wicked have just said the phrase: "Come to Daddy." I lift up the glasses, perhaps we are on Seriously. I refer the glasses: "He said that?", I ask that Barzo nods in a slow and relentless. Ok, I think maybe it's a parody. I'm not understanding a brilliant parody, that's all: Cameron there is a wink, we are representing the U.S. Army, we are representing the imperialist invasions. This gemstone is the equivalent of oil: Pandora is Afghanistan or Vattelapesca. It works, basically. Sure, having 12 years would help in the process of identification, but you can not want everything in life. So
Sigourney Weaver dies. I try to remember one scene where Sigourney Weaver is served or phrase spoken by her worthy of the name, but the mnemonic exercise stops when she, dying, make jokes about samples to be taken and someone in the room, finally she smiles. Will not end as I believe, will not end as I believe, as I can not finish. "It can not end up like I think!" I say to Barzo. A moment later a guy turns to us and inexplicably tells us: "If you do not do it over torture." Eloquent, but I can not accept this destruction of intelligence. Then I get up, get up in the middle of a wonderful fight to the death between the Ed209 of Robocop and a Smurf Female Giant (which chissàààà coooomeeee andrààààà aaaa finiiireeeeee!) e mi rivolgo a tutti, nessuno escluso: "Ma come fate?! Come fate!? Davvero vi piace questa stronzata?! Rispondetemi!". Barzo cerca di farmi ragionare, mi strattona per il jeans, ottenendo l'effetto contrario. Si accendono le luci in sala, la gente impiega un po' per capire che tutto sta succedendo veramente e non è un altro effetto 3D. "Vi rendete conto che questo film renderà il cinema un posto peggiore?! Vi rendete conto che stiamo andando verso l'appiattimento assoluto?! Vi rendete conto che non avete visto NIENTE per 241 minuti eppure vi diranno che avete visto MOLTISSIMO?!". Silenzio in sala. Qualche colpo di tosse. Salgo in piedi on my seat: "Tell me one scene that has stunned this film! One scene that you have not already seen in some other movie, done better without such a colossal crap!" So saying that I mangle the 3D glasses were given entry. "Gandalf's horse Shadowfax who came to Minas Tirith, with white buildings that were approaching, that was amazing." It raises some timid applause. "Santoddio as you leave the cinema after seeing Gran Torino!? Eh? Remember as you leave the cinema after that vision and realize the difference." Squeals of approval. Barzo whispers in my ear: "Now you're populism ...". I looked at him sternly: "No, friend mio, io sto salvando il cinema". "Suvvia", mi fa lui, "Dicevano così anche del telefono".
B
poi ripenso ai quattro hobbit in mezzo alla piazza che ricevono l'inchino del futuro re Aragorn e di tutto il popolo. Quei 4 miseri ammassi di piedi e peli ricevono l'omaggio da parte dell'umanità salvata dalle tenebre dell'occhio che vede...
... e che voleva tutta la parte.
ecco la lezione!
havana... guarda l'occhialino di Sauron, è lui, il signore del 3d che vuole ridurre il popolo all'imbarbarimento culturale!
ed ora tu, novello frodo, hai in mano il fardello to understand the world that the 3D ... shit is crazy to be thrown into eternal fire!
eyewear to rule them all,
a pair of glasses to find them ...
eyewear
to bring them all and bind them in 3d
gollum cameron laughs mockingly, but then as I'm cameron will be done? that I think of Cameron Diaz, Cameron Crowe and elizabetown, I can not imagine this guy behind the scenes of this huge joke.
feel the populace applaud, but not for you Havana. And 'yet another demonstration of how vulgar. The applause during the opening credits tail. Who the fuck hear the applause? Who the fuck applauded? The seller of the range that favors you delighted with melted chocolate candy, just to let you know in advance how it was going to end the film?
who deserves so much? Or maybe the director is connected via goggles and Sauron is there to get excited at each end projection thanks to your clapclap?
or maybe you clap, that orgy of viagroni infoiati from around the phallic symbol of the tree of life, hoping that sigourny weaver rise again and start to say something sensible?
then between a pennica and the other I did not realize that the tank top in lesbian viagrona was over she also pocketed giants among the Smurfs. But Havana
you must admit that this was all a metaphor of the last Football World Cup: The Azzurri are in trouble have been saved by the captain, the red and yellow bird. Here, the film was pointless but it is this lesson of life.
Now I introduce you to the havanapensiero on Totti, but it's another story ... but before leaving the cinema I must point out the sadness also took me to hear that huge bigjim from the center of old screaming "come to daddy."
And I still have another big question ... How can the U.S. navy have been defeated by Na'vi?
and especially because Havana is able to outperform all the time? with his savoir faire and his talking to Willy Wonka's factory in creative writing, convinced me to speak ill of avatars.
avatar or maybe it was to convince me.
CONCLUSIONS
from - The version of Barney
One night Clara was walking up and down smoking a cigarette after another while I was reading on the couch ostentatiously ignoring it. Suddenly she turned like a fury and I snatched the book out of hand. Molloy was in the translation of Austrin Wainhouse. "How do you read this rinsing the balls?" he asked. Me
had served on a silver platter. I quoted the now one of his favorite poets: "When William Blake wrote a letter to a man who had commissioned four watercolors, only to find anything but to his taste. 'This is great for the poor appears dark.' E again: 'What a fool can grasp is not worthy of me'. I mean, maybe the problem is you, not Beckett.
